Today I am Caroline. Just as it is, no embellishments, no fuss and that is okay with me.
I enjoyed a grand, long train ride the other day and was reflective (As I often am while traveling) and thought about how okay I was with myself at that particular moment. Being Caroline felt just fine.
I had quite a lot of nicknames when I was younger… most of them unpleasant, and they seem like a chronicle of the life and times of me.
Fuzzy/Curly-Wurly: Primary school taunt on account of …. well curly- wurly hair. (Taken to heart in a devastating way and made me feel very sad)
Static: Early high school mocking jibe (Similar to above) with more advanced language content. Made me feel horribly rejected and friendless. (I was)
Koos: Mid high school extra nasty poke and prod meaning Sook spelt backwards. I was a sook on account of early taunting and multiple hair references. This didn’t help. Lots of time crying at school.
Jelly: Early teen years developing breast reference. At least I felt noticed! Awkward when your father calls you this nick-name.
Strange lack of names for later high school years. We grew up and started studying.
Caro: Post university. Trying out a new sense of self. Caro at the time seemed fresh and unencumbered. Later it felt try-hard and inauthentic. It remains persistent and is unappreciated.
CAROLINE: It is my name and I like it. I must have grown into myself somewhere along the line.
Welcome to me.