So Baba had given her message to me. Focus, get on with the task. Dr Estes had also given her wise counsel. Sort the compost and watch your feelings.
I was very fortunate I had been given the skull to see my way home. I felt like it was only a matter of time before I found the ring.
So I raked and raked and raked. The next day I resumed again, more raking. I found it hard to stick with it. I did the task but felt sick and resentful. I was tired and desperately wanting my ring back. The rain started and I finished in relief only about half way through the task I had assigned myself. No one has to do the Baba’s tasks in the rain do they?
I came in for some morsels. With horror I realised while raking and searching for my wedding band my engagement ring had come off. A primordial scream escaped my lips. I have seldom felt so retched or so stupid. If this was ‘the work’ I didn’t want to do it. I realised I was a little like Vasilissa in the Baba’s story. She had the skull to lead her home but its illumination was scary. The things that she could see almost overwhelmed her and she wanted to throw the skull away. So did I.
I have sat with the feelings the last 24 hours and done nothing. I was conscious that I did not want to give up, or abandon my gift of the skull and its teachings. So today I am breathing. One breath in and one breath out. I am completing my jobs in rational order. Avoiding distractions. And centering myself. I know I will not find my rings until I am centred.
It is hard realising how easily I turn my eyes from the prize. My dreams and aspirations are simple and achievable, but keep slipping away from me. Every time I get distracted by a new shiny thing, a random blog, a phone call I didn’t need to take, too many things, I lose my focus.
So with great reverence and thanks I sit with breath in and breath out. I will resume the search for the rings when I feel it is time.
Blessings to the Baba and the Skull.
Post Note: With all journey’s there comes an end.
My wedding ring, lost in the wilderness for months came home. A very happy reunification thanks to the methodical gardening efforts of my husband.
It was found in the very spot the bones got boiled last year when Baba Yaga was visiting.