The night can be an illuminating place. During the day we find distraction, purposeful activity and much doing. Some of this is necessary. A lot of it is distraction. At night we can be faced by that which we have ignored.
At present my eight month old ‘angel’ is drawing my attention to something during night. A lot! At times I am so frazzled by the resulting sleep deprivation that I feel delirium is a perpetual state of being. At times I feel resentful. I like to transform resentment into something more useful.
Last night at about 1.30am, after nearly an hour of soothing and settling, I was losing what little left of the plot I had. Not coping was not an option. Babies are like that. Very grounding.
I was moving into a doubting space, a bad mother, a bad person. More of that low self-esteem indulgence. Uggh!
I, motivated by the lure of a warm bed, and a peacefully sleeping child, asked for guidance…to help me believe in my Motherness.
Venus of Willendorf has come to me at these moments before. The quintessential Earth Mother, grounded and solid. Just what I needed. I found my stance changing, and I rocked while gently crooning. I felt the tension drain out of my body. My baby was asleep in minutes.
I said a word of thanks and listened to the still of the night for the learning. There was a chant.
I am a good mother
I am well.
I am wealthy.
I am happy.
I am rested.
I am a good mother.
I repeated this rhythmically, until I was ready to sleep myself.
I found it interesting in the light of the day, how simple the chant was. I will use it often over the coming days. I have created a small altar, an homage to the Great Venus of Willendorf.
It includes oak leaves, acorns and a piece of branch from a wild, witchy forest in Dartmoor, England. I associate the Oak with that same steadfastness of the Venus, so my work with Venus generally involves Oak.
I was surprised at the word wealthy in this chant, but on reflection I realised so much of the reason I have not enjoyed on going abundance in my life as I haven’t always believed I deserve it.
So with grace I embrace the message of the Venus.
I am a Good Mother.